Additional Reporting Pamela Choo
You find yourself in a relationship and it’s a major deja vu moment. Somehow you seem to be having the same kind of problems and it just feels all too familiar. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you tend to keep going for the same kind of guy? Over and over again?
Ellie McDonald looks into why women sometimes date the same types of men they’ve loved (and loathed) in the past.
We also asked Violet Lim, CEO of dating company Lunch Actually to give us some insight into why girls can’t seem to let go of certain types of guys.
Going back to your ex might not necessarily be a bad thing if it means that you’re both able to build awareness around all of the positive and negative aspects of the relationship. However, if it’s just a repetition of the same old stuff happening from the past, then nothing really positive can come from such a pattern.
Violet says, ‘There must be a reason why you broke up in the first place. It’s important to understand the reason: is it because of differing values? Is it because of his habits? Or were you both at different stages of your lives with different priorities? There are always cases when it’s a good move or a bad move.’
You have to figure out whether you’re just going to repeat the same problems with the same guy.
Violet adds, ‘Habits can change, but values are difficult to change. So if your break-up was due to values, it’s unlikely that it’s going to work out again.’
She also reminds us that it’s easy to look back and think of the good times, even when really it was mostly bad! ‘Instead of looking back and recounting past memories, it’s healthier to look ahead and bring forward the lessons to make you a better person,’ she says.