Everyone loves a good horror date story. Well, at least from a third person’s point of view.. lulz.
Here’s a compilation with some of the funniest, and most awkward stories I’ve come across within my circle of friends. Yes, homie, these ones actually happened to a poor human being that I know. I was lucky enough to convince some of em to use their real names, but that’s for you to figure out who’s who.
1. Fatal Attraction
A mutual friend of ours introduced us to each other at a bar outing. Things went well, I thought she was cool, so I got her number off that mutual friend. We texted, all just small talk, really, and I didn’t pay too much mind to it cos I was openly dating other girls. I’m out with one of the girls I really like, when I bump into… let’s just call her Aida. Aida spots us, and starts freaking out in public, saying things like “how could you do this to me?” and “I thought we had something?”.
I’m so taken aback at this reaction, I freeze, and she storms off after only getting the most mortified reaction off me. You have no idea embarrassed I felt, especially with everyone around me asking if I was cheating on my girlfriend. WHAT GIRLFRIEND, I MET HER JUST A WEEK AGO! – Havi.
2. Party In Da Club
So I meet a girl at a club, and well, it’s a club.. She was nice enough to send me home, and we exchanged numbers and chatted daily for about a week. Things were all good, until we went for our first date – she started getting super possessive after, asking for updates on my whereabouts all the time, getting mad at me for “changing”. I distance myself, and do my own thing when…
You can see that I ignored her first message, right? Yeah, that was the last message she sent me after a whole month of ignoring her. Things go quiet, and I go on with my life. Almost half a year down the road, BAM, she’s back! – Steve.
3. Breakfast In Bed
This was over two years ago, the only person I’ve met up with on tinder in Sydney. Went over to her place, had drinks, chilled all night, got along really well and eventually slept in the same bed (nothing happened). The next morning we wake up, stuff starts happening and she starts going down on me, but while she’s down there I changed my mind and decided I didn’t want to do anything anymore.
She looked up and I gave her this awkward look so she obviously asks what’s up… I lie and say I really needed to pee. I go the to the bathroom and message my mate, saying I’m at a girl’s place and I want to leave. He doesn’t go along with it at all, and says he’d be free only in about an hour or so. So, I was literally stuck there with this girl making small talk, and saying he’s going to call me any minute but he doesn’t. After about an hour of awkwardness I lie again and say he’s messaged and I have to bail. I never saw or spoke to her again, though I did get friend request which I left pending. – Damien.
4. Call Me, Beep Me, If You Wanna Reach Me
My friend took my phone when i was drunk, used my thumbprint to unlock my phone, popped open Tinder and switched me from looking for girls to men only..
That wouldn’t have been a problem at all, until she started swiping right to literally EVERY PROFILE that showed up after. I was flattered at the amount of matches I got, but with the amount of messages I was getting after was ridiculous! It would’ve taken forever just to unmatch them, so I ended up deleting the account altogether. – Lance.
5. Hair Care
I meet up with this girl, and the first date goes well. So much to a point that I ended up at her house. We’re all adults here, so I don’t really have to explain what happens next. You should probably be more focused on what happened during.
So I get busy with her upper half, but she’s got this mane of luscious, long, and super thick hair that’s getting in my damned way. I push it aside a few times before she notices and helps out, but for some reason, there was always still some hair. Tired out by the whole debacle, I pull back to realise… they were strands of hair from her nipple. – Joe.
6. Not It
I’m out with the boys having drinks, when an ex spots me and comes over to say hi. It surprisingly wasn’t weird at all – she sat down for a bit and talked with my friends. 15 minutes in, she gets up, and tells me she wants to introduce me to someone “important” to her.
I follow her over to her table, and realise that this guy is her boyfriend, and she was currently having date night with him. Trying to diffuse any awkwardness, I move over to shake his hand. As I pull back, my ex looks over to her boyfriend and starts with “You know what you mean to me?”.
It must’ve been my instincts, but hearing that made my balls shrivel and I braced myself for what was about to spill. She continued with “Before you, there was Raihan, and I loved him even more than I loved you”. She clearly had too much to drink, and I went into damage control mode – pulled him aside and even lied that I was engaged to try and convince him he had nothing to do with her! – Raihan.
7. Kawaii Desu
I just came out of a bad break up, and resort to online dating as a rebound field. Found a beautifully bodacious blonde and we decide to meet up. It was pouring at the time, so when we reached my place, she was drenched, and not in a good way.
As I’m peeling her clothes off, it’s becoming quite apparent that the rain’s making it beyond hard to get them off. It took a fair bit of time, and I’ll be honest, I totally lost my mood. But she did come all the way, so I rolled with it. We get to kissing, and it’s just my personal preference, but man, did she smell like a chimney!
Further put off, I convince myself to let it go. As we were getting in to it, I managed to forget the build up to get here, until…. she started screaming, and making odd sounds that resembled very much of what you’d come across in Japanese porn. She was German + Hungarian. “Aiya”??? – Low.