It’s instinct for any of us to set a bar of what we expect out of a relationship. Especially after numerous trial and error – you’ll catch a pattern in your dating life. The things you look for in a person, characteristics you thought you liked but recently discovered it’s not your forte any longer and finally, what draws the line for you. The question is, do we really start from zero when we meet a new person? Or are we picking up where we left off from the previous one, just with a different person this time? Of course, it’s debatable and you can say, ‘It depends’.
It got me thinking about the type of guys I’ve dated on my side. No matter how much I say I don’t care, I will indefinitely dig up into a lover’s past. A millennial’s first job is a professional stalker. On the job, I do it to feed off my curiosity and somehow puzzle the pieces together of what he looks for in a woman. Post-honeymoon phase, I realize I tend to always revert back to his past. Especially when I know for a fact that the past interest he used to associate himself with, differ from myself. They were at the stage of their relationship where they were in plans settling down after 5 years of being together. Young and naive, the wedding planning rolled into a massive bad break-up. I had a billion and one questions in my head when I started seeing him more often. An underlying expectation trapped in my very own head.
After multiple emotional breakdowns, I’ve learnt that the solution is always to talk it out with your partner. It’s only fair that he’s on board on your train of thought. Assumptions will not take you any further in a healthy relationship, it could even push you back a few steps behind. There’s a reason why he’s not with that girl he used to be with and is now happily living life with you by his side. Be it whether he was engaged, married or divorced, every relationship is built on its own ground. Relationships are all about taking a risk, usually its the scariest one you can think of. Be honest and find a solution you both can