You carried me for 9 nine months in your belly. I ruined the 29 year-old figure that you had and yet you’ve never complained. You endured back aches, random food cravings, stretch marks, weird bowel disorders and swollen feet because of me. Labour was not easy; not only did you opt for a natural birth, you denied the drugs because you thought it would hurt me.
I was your little girl growing up and the day that I slipped on my first uniform for pre-school; you hugged me tight and cried on my shoulders. For every morning that I went to school, you spent that five minutes combing my hair and tying it into a perfect ponytail. I could do it myself but I let you because I loved how your gentle touch always made me smile.
But then things changed. Puberty came and I was alone. Where were you when I needed you, ma? Why weren’t you there to teach me how to properly put on a pad or to tell me what to expect as I endured my first bout of cramps?
We fought and we fought. You said that you were losing me as a daughter but I felt like I already lost my mother. We stopped seeing eye to eye and soon we were at each other’s throats. Not a day went by that we did not argue – the dishes weren’t done properly, the light switch wasn’t switched off, the clothes weren’t folded in the correct order..
You craved the mother-daughter relationships portrayed in movies but when I tried to, you responded horribly. You shouted at me while I cried through my first heartbreak. You told me, “Get over it and stop crying. You have school to focus on.”
That was not what I needed at that time.
Disaster struck and you needed me by your side. I was there. I defended you. I fought for you. And you forgot about me when things got good. I am no longer the centre of your world.
I know that you still love me, as you remind me every day, but I wish I could make you proud. You gush about your friends’ children receiving awards from school and your company, I know that sometimes you wish I would one day too.
Although I worked hard when I was in University, I know that I wasn’t where you hoped I would be. Education was always so important to you and while I do understand that education is important, I never knew the sacrifices that you and dad had to make just to send me to school. Me graduating First Class Honours was a dream of yours – sadly, not one that I could fulfill. When I received the scrolls in my hands, they felt like weights instead – filling me with dread and disappointment.
Now that I have entered adulthood and have my first job, I know you had hoped that I would be earning more. I promise that I will work hard and make something of myself one day.
No matter what happens, I love you with all my heart. Nothing in this entire world would change that.