How To Trap A Man’s A*s Into Never Leaving

Subscribing to Netflix has just about been the best decision I’ve made in 2016. The (seemingly) unlimited amount of visual entertainment resulted in my discovering Ali Wong – stand-up comedic writer extraordinaire!

One of the highlights of her show, Ali Wong: Baby Cobra, was when she joked about how she “trapped” her husband – that spoke to my inner crazy Asian upbringing.

Bagging a guy is one thing, right? Getting him to stay after getting to know your family… Well, that’s a whole different story. Wedding season always finds away to intensify the pressure of “settling down”. And, although I have no experience whatsoever in getting someone to propose (yet), I reckon I may have a tip or two for keeping your human; what with a 5 year relationship under my belt.

 

1. Be your own person

I know, it’s easier said than done – and when we’re “in love”, we tend to “unwittingly” curate our lives around that other person. DON’T. Build yourself as an individual, while encouraging your human to do the same. Remember, you may share a life together, but you both have your own lives too; if that make sense? Trust me when I say that I’ve had my fair share of grown as*ed men bum boyfriends who took money off my 19 year old self because they were too busy chasing their passion to get a job. If a guy can’t at least afford to buy himself a meal, he can’t afford a relationship either; just don’t waste your tears and time.

 

2. Make It Hard To Leave

Before you label me a psycho…. OK, fine I concur LOLOLOLLL. But, do note that I say this lightheartedly! There’s no need of any physical reprimanding when you get him to weigh things out emotionally. After adopting 2 cats with my human, we told ourselves no more. You may realise, however, that 2 cats are pretty easy to divide if in the instance our relationship does not work out. So, what did I do? Adopt another pet, duh. HURHURHUR.

 

3. A Woman’s Touch

See, feminism is not all about extremes. I believe it’s allowing women to do whatever they feel comfortable doing without having to be shamed for it – as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, of course! The best advise my mother gave me growing up, was teaching me how to be the woman. You don’t have to dumb yourself down, you just have to find the right way to talk to your guy; to listen to him and advise him without bruising his male ego. Trust your gut in knowing what makes him soften, and use your intuition in feeling out the right times to strike (for a favour, and etc). If a “womanly” approach is what works, then I say use what your momma gave ya!

 

4. Be Easy

Not in the metaphorical sense you’re thinking of, cheeky (hehe). Unless you were thinking about being easy going, then that too. But, what I actually mean, is finding a way to make his life easier! Yes, you read right – his life. I can’t take credit for this one though – you’ve gotta it to all the Asian moms out there, and Ali Wong for shamelessly resurfacing this beautiful piece of advise. If you make him lunch, or tidy up the bed for him on a day to day basis, he’s bound to find the inconvenience of having to do those chores himself if you aren’t around.

 

 

Manage to shed some light? Let us know in the comments!

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