6 Important Love Lessons Every Girl Needs To Learn
Additional Reporting Pamela Choo
Collectively, #TeamCLEO has been through more than their fair share of failed long-term relationships, marriages, dalliances, acquaintances... You name it. Yet before your fingers reach for Tinder, we do have some well-intentioned advice to either ease you through a rough patch, help you through a break-up or just be an important reminder if you're already happy and loved-up.
We also asked an expert, Violet Lim, CEO of dating company Lunch Actually to give her input. And so, here are our lessons in love.
lesson #3: fight fair
All. Couples. Fight. Heck, even Queen Bey and Jay each made an album on the qualms of their marriage *cough* Becky with the good hair. Case in point, it’s completely normal for couples to fight. Every argument will have its own rebuttals, so focus on the true matter at hand and find a solution to solve it.
‘Fight fair by staying focused on the source of problem, take the time for both of you to voice out your feedback and opinion on the matter, and ultimately, come together to come up with the solution that makes the most sense based on your objective,’ says Violet.
She adds, ‘It also depends on the argument. If you both have differing views but they are not really fundamental differences that would seriously affect your relationship, it’s OK to agree to disagree.’ Having differing opinions are totally fine!
Screaming, losing it, going completely nutzo and bringing up ancient fights that already have been resolved are obviously not the right ways to fight, so use a technique that both of you can benefit from. If you both need space, take the space you need — whether it’s a few hours or a few days. Come back to each other when you’re both not Hulk-mad and communicate openly. If you want your side to be heard you need to hear his side and accept what you’re going to hear. Sit down and speak in a calm voice and resist the urge to escalate things.
Violet says, ‘When your arguments start to differ from the original problem, especially when you both start raising your voice, attacking each other’s characters, or bringing up past issues — then it’s the sign that you probably need to take a step back.’
However, if he stays unreasonable, threatens physical violence or curses you out, you have the right to step away and seek help.