8 Sex Things The Movies Get Oh So Wrong

We all want our lives to be a little more cinematic – who wouldn’t want for our lives to look like Wes Anderson directed it with perfect little quirks and a faultless soundtrack. But let’s be honest, the movies get it wrong more than it gets right, especially when it comes to sex…

No condom? No problem.

Unless a dramatic unplanned pregnancy is in order, protection is automatically assumed. Because stopping while you’re passionately tearing each other’s clothes off to put a rubber on it is just so unsexy.

Consent is also never discussed.

Because who ever would talk about sex before doing sex right? One look and it’s time to sweep your belongings off the table to loosen a couple of drawers off of their hinges.

Nothing to hear here…

We could only wish that every sexual encounter IRL had really passionate soundtrack music overlaying it. Unfortunately, we don’t live in the movie world and natural bodily noises are a real thing.

The Oscar-worthy orgasm.

If you’re not screaming, “YES! YES! YES!” and alerting your neighbours to your little tryst then you’re not doing it right? Wrong. Sometimes the coveted ‘O doesn’t even show.

The overzealous ripping of clothes.

Taking clothes off is not a problem at all in the movie verse; no torn buttons, no struggling with bras, and no difficulty with unpeeling pants so tight they were probably painted on.

Switching positions? Easy as pie.

Going from position to position is one fell swoop. Because everyone is fluid motion masters. Nobody ever gets accidentally kneed in the balls or kicked in the face. Never.

Sex goes on and on and on.

Clothes start coming off and the next thing you know the sun is rising, and the leads barely got any sleep between the heated moments between the sheets. Hey, quickies happen and they can be great. As long as your needs are being met, who needs an all nighter?

Waking up #flawless.

Your hair always looks perfectly tousled in the morning, your make-up adorably dishevelled or completely flawless because of post coital glow. Also, morning breath apparently doesn’t exist.